Ask me to imagine living in one place for the next 10 years and I feel a cold sweat coming on. I picture the same days on repeat, my world slowly shrinking and a list of places I’ll get to “one day”.
Yet tomorrow I fly to Chiang Mai for 8 weeks on my own, and what I’m most excited about is a routine. Work, exercise, good food, a few new friends and the same rhythm most days.
So do I hate routine or not?
When I look closer, the routine I’m looking forward to has 4 things going for it. I chose it, it feels good, I can change my mind, and it ends. The routine I dread has none of those. The days might look identical, but they’d feel completely different.
I suspect a lot of what we dread works this way. The thing itself is often fine. What frightens us is the idea that we can’t get out of it.
A job feels heavier when you can’t imagine leaving. A house, a town, even a hobby can start to feel like a cage once the door seems to disappear. The reverse is true too. Plenty of hard things become bearable, even enjoyable, once they come with an end date. Most of us can do almost anything for eight weeks.
What’s interesting is that the life I dread is one I’ve never actually lived. I’ve moved more times than I can count since I was 11, so change is familiar and staying put is the unknown. Perhaps for you it’s the other way round, and the thing you fear is simply the thing you’ve never tried.
If something in your life fills you with dread, try this. Give it an end date, even an imaginary one, and notice whether the feeling shifts. “I’ll try this for three months.” “I’ll stay one more year, then review.”
If the dread fades, you’ve learned something useful. You may not need to change the thing at all, you just need to know where the door is. And if it doesn’t fade, that’s worth knowing too.
As for me, I’m off to put my bags down in Chiang Mai and decide how I’d like to spend the following morning. Knowing I’m free to leave is exactly what will make me happy to stay.